Acknowledging Death

     In reviewing the tons of literature available regarding the human response to death and dying,  Ernest Becker's, The Denial of Death, Free Press Paperbacks, 1973, is mentioned often.  Becker's hypothesis is that everything we do, all culture, all history, every decision is because of our fear of death. As an infant realizes that its total existence is dependent upon the good graces of its mother, the toddler then adolescent becomes gradually familiar with a continued sense of vulnerability with the awareness of the concept of death. Becker, being a devotee of Freud, is a bit hard to read since he insists on Freud's stages and misogynistic tendencies to be undeniably true. Nevertheless, his theory is that fear of death can be tamed by courageous acts. Courageous acts or heroism, require the opportunity to perform such acts which require identification with a cause to defend. Hence the formulation of groups which can be pitted against each other (tribes, religion, nationalism), is a direct result of our fear of death. Ironically, courageous acts often involve facing, risking or succumbing to death, the very thing we fear the most.  The more obsessed we are with the fear, the more the need for heroism. His book endeavors then to
     "...understand what seems like an impossible paradox: the ever present fear of death in
       the normal biological functioning of our instinct of self-preservation, as well as our utter
       obliviousness to this fear in our conscious life." (17)
     Whereas animals are constantly aware of their mortality which causes them to pay attention to instincts that warn of impending danger, man spends energy repressing thoughts of his mortality.
Becker suggests that instead of hiding our fear of death by causing wars, we "practice" death by acquiring wisdom. Once we fully accept the terror of death, we stop trying to defeat it by heroic acts which eliminates the need to defend groups and allows us to join a global community without war.
    This is a quick synopsis of a very deep book, much of which I don't accept however, Becker's exploration into  man's mass denial of his/her mortality was informative. I've always wondered at people who have never thought much about death or religion.  I can't think of a more important question. I can accept someone not believing in God if they have come to that conclusion after at least considering the question. Since it is impossible to know what happens after death or whether or not there is a God, I accept and respect whatever beliefs or non-beliefs others hold. I just have trouble understanding people who are not interested in the questions. While unknowable, man's consciousness and life-long apprehension about death, lead most people to come to terms with some idea or belief if only to aid in the group agreement to deny man's mortality.
    As a culture, we are bombarded by death, to the point of reducing it to nothing more than the expected scenes of mass annihilation that accompany even Disney movies today.  As a high school counselor, I've followed the research on violence in movies and video games and its effects on adolescents.  It seems we spend our lives pretending our own mortality doesn't exist while numbing our senses to the importance and finality of a constant diet of death.
     We fight death with thoughts of immortality through any number of religious and cultural beliefs. Even the non-religious incorporate colloquialisms of culture that refer to immortality. As a species, we have managed to get almost every member of that species to agree to act as if none of us are going to die. Since it is such a widespread phenomenon, what does it do for us?
     A common Facebook meme tells us to live each day as if it were our last. If we did, we would not go to work, buy groceries, pay bills, save money, plan for retirement or anything that would be directed towards a pay-off in the future.  Obviously, we must live our lives as if we are going to live an average lifespan. However, I will admit that if I had it to do all over again, I would have listened to my body more closely and left toxic situations earlier. I would have put less time into work and more time into people. I would have spent less money, saved more and learned to live on less.
   Cancer has caused me to be too run down to work or do much of anything. I miss having the energy to do what I want to do. If I had enough energy, I would spend more time with my family.  If I couldn't go back to work, I would find some worthwhile work to do on a volunteer basis. I would want every minute to count regardless of how much time I have left. This is what Becker suggests we strive for i.e. a meaningful way to live our lives with the full knowledge and acceptance of our mortality, indeed perhaps because of it.